We all have things we want to be or do. For some, it might be wanting to be a rapper, or the best mom you can be, or an A+ student, or a great singer/dancer/mime. We all have dreams. Mine? I have a lot. But one of them happens to include me as the star of a musical. *Shrugs* Not a lofty goal for some, but for me, it's kind of a stretch. The thing is, another one of my dreams is to follow the will of God to the ends of the earth. My brainwave on this subject is "if He doesn't want me there, then I don't want to be there." I am constantly searching for and praying about God's will in my life. I never ever want to do something that He doesn't want me to do or something that doesn't please Him. The hardest part is hearing Him... but that's a tangent for later posts.
Here's where this story begins: Last year, while in my away-from-God funk, I auditioned for my school's musical. Some things got in my way (like band rehearsal and hormones, all those fun things) and I didn't get in. Instead, I went and supported a friend of mine who did. It was a great show, but afterwards I realized that with my depression and funk, all of that work would have made my life so much harder and (for lack of a better word) suckier. This year, on fire for God and well-prepared (I knew the name of the musical and got the DVD from the library. Score!), I auditioned again.
Back up a couple days. Again with my two dreams: star of musical, follow will of God. Of course, I chose the latter to focus on. Instead of spending all of my time singing the songs and practicing facial expressions and whatnot, I prayed. A lot. Usually my prayers went something like this, "God, I don't want to do this if You don't want me to do this. I'm serious. Totes legit. If You don't want me in the cast and You need me somewhere else, don't let me get in. Please. Because if it's not where You want me to be, then I don't want to be there."
As much as I wanted to be in the musical, I knew that I needed to be where God wanted me to be.
So audition day rolled around, and I was ready spiritually and musically. Of course, I was still incredibly nervous, as I am whenever I have to sing in front of a group of people. The whole time we were learning the audition piece, I was helping my friend Sherry learn pitches and hit notes. She had never heard the song and I had, so I figured I was well equipped to help. I was auditioning for the two leads and one of the minor roles. If I didn't get one of those, I wanted to do pit orchestra instead since no other flutes had signed up.
I went into the audition nervous and jittery, and I went out the same. I didn't sing as well as I can in the shower, but afterwards, the piano man told me I had style (:
I didn't get a callback.
When I didn't see my name on the callback sheet, I thanked God for His guidance and asked Him to tell me where He really needed me. That afternoon, I was helping a friend with his callback song and when he heard me sing he asked me why I didn't get a callback and I told him it was probably because the teacher didn't know me that well. No, Warrior, it was because God doesn't want you as the lead! (More on that in a couple paragraphs).
Anyway, callbacks came and went and today the final cast list was posted. I wasn't expecting to see my name up there, but somehow, it was. My friend Trey was looking at it when I walked by and he turned and congratulated me. Incredulous, I went and looked at the sheet. Low and behold, my name was on it! The very last name under "ensemble."
What a God we love and serve! He knows us and He knows our limits! He knew I needed a humbling experience to take me off my high-and-mighty cloud, and putting me at the end of the ensemble list is just what He had in mind. He also knew I didn't need the stress of a lead role and the expectations that come with it. I guess He figured I would become so involved in the musical and in my own self and leave Him behind. He knew my pride would get in the way of Him being with me. Good thing He figured that out, because I would have had no idea.
Proverbs 16: 9 says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." I want God to be my feet (metaphorically). I want Him to lead me in every little thing I do and I want to do every little thing I do for Him.
The evening before the callbacks were posted, I told God again that if He didn't want me in the musical, then I didn't want to be in it. I prayed more about it and came to the conclusion that I want His will first in my life before anything else. So I grabbed a red sharpie and wrote "HWBD" on my hand. His Will Be Done. My "tattoo" hasn't left my hand since then. I've needed it there to remind me that it's not all about me. It's about Him.
What do you need to remind yourself HWBD? Maybe it's just a matter of hearing how amazing your faith and life become when you give God your everything. Trust me, I have never felt so alive and free than right now. Right now, I'm living my life all for Him and I urge you to do the same. It's not easy, and the devil will be fighting against you through doubts he puts in your head and through other people. Fill youself with God and His Word and His promises, and you will be able to fight them. Surround yourself with people who can build you up in your faith and support you in your fight to stand for God. Because it is SO worth it.
1 John 2:17 says, "And this world will pass away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever."
<3 Warrior
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