Okay so a good friend of mine sent me a word document full of quotes the other day and one really stood out.
"If you made a gift for your best friend, then gave it to her and her reply was, 'Ew this is so ugly,' you would be killed inside, right? After all that hard work, and time spent on it, she hates it. Imagine how God feels when you call yourself ugly."
Isn't that... just... EPIC? I had never thought about it that way. I mean, I knew I was made in God's image, but I had never thought that when I was calling myself fat and ugly (as I do very often), I was offending God.
While flipping through one of Paul's letters today, I noticed that he was quoting a ton of Old Testament verses. One of them was talking about beauty, so I looked up the original verse in Psalms. The verse was Psalms 45:11 and it reads, "The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord."
OMIGOLDFISH GOD THINKS I'M PRETTY!!! Ahahaha, isn't that cool? It reminds me of how my Daddy always answers the phone when I call by saying, "Mi hija bonita quien yo amo muchisimo muchisimo muchisimo" meaning, "my beautiful daughter who I love so much so much so much."
God loves you. He made you. God is incapable of screwing up. Everything He makes and has made is beautiful. YOU are beautiful.
Never forget that :D
<3 Warrior
Saturday, August 28, 2010
When Friends Lead You Astray
Totally had a God moment this morning (or afternoon seeing as I woke up at 11:30). I opened my Bible to somewhere in Leviticus and then flipped through it, looking for something to stand out. The first thing to do so was a heading that said "Worshipping Other Gods" and I thought "Hmm, there's been a lot of that lately." So I read it. It's all of Deuteronomy 13, so obviously it's too long for me to type here. But here's a link so you don't have to go search the house for your Bible.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy+13&version=NIV
While I was reading it, I realized it wasn't just about worshipping other gods. It was about what to do to/how to treat someone who has tried to turn you away from God.
Now before you freak out because you think I'm trying to tell you to slaughter anyone who tells you not to believe in God, 1) that's a little sketch 2) God doesn't want us to kill people 3) there would be very very few people left if we all did that.
Matthew 18:8 reads, "If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled and lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire." Meaning if someone or something is causing you to sin or to turn away from God, get rid of them/it! I know from experience that it's hard and that you WILL be judged and you WILL be persecuted.
Two years ago I had a Facebook account without the approval of my parents. I cussed, gossiped, started rumors, et cetera on it, while simultaneously dishonoring my parents. What a mess! After a retreat entitled "Image Is Everything" with my church, I realized that I was made in God's image and that I wasn't reflecting that in my life. So the night I got back from the retreat, I disconnected my Facebook account without a moment of hesitation and stayed off of the computer for about 2 months. I was persecuted by my own friends for a long time and still am to this day. They demand why I disconnected it and my reply has always been, "It was tearing me away from God." And you can guess how they took that. Yeah, not very well.
Basically, by cutting myself off from a medium with which I was being "evil," I was cutting off the part of me that was diseased. I was slaughtering the part of me that was trying and succeeding in getting me to sin and turn away from God. In my case, it wasn't just my friends leading me astray, it was myself as well.
I was reading Psalm 119, the longest book of the Bible, the other night and I noticed that the whole Psalm is praising God's law and declaring the author's undying love for it. He says, "I hate double-minded people, but I love your law. You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in Your word. Away from me, you evildoers, that I may keep the commands of my God!" (Psalm 119:113-115) He is telling God that he loves His commands more than anything else, and is telling all of the "evil-doers" around him to get away so he can love his God more passionately. Do you need to do that? Maybe it's time to "yell" at the "evil-doers" around you to get away so that you can love and follow your awesome God with your whole life. I've found with experience that the best way to do it is through a note. Tell them about God's love for them and why it is you find it hard to stay friends with them and be a true follower of Christ at the same time. If you feel led to do so, try it. I felt pushed by God to write a friend of mine a note that ended our friendship, and it all worked out for the better.
So, yes. I know breaking off from your best friend is hard. I know that breaking addictions is hard. I know that breaking a habit is hard. I know that believing is extremely hard. I've had to go through all of these myself. When you go through these things, you just have to remember that God is with you and will never leave you and that whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. (:
Have faith and stay strong. It might be tough at times, but I believe in you.
If you're a girl and under the age of 20-ish, I totally without a doubt suggest you find and purchase the book "Lies Young Women Believe and the Truth that Sets them Free" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh. It's an amazing book and is a great help for when you don't understand what to believe.
I also suggest reading the Bible. (: When you're worrying about not being able to hear God speaking to you, pick it up. Read it. HEY! You just read God's letter to you.
Keep faith. Keep heart.
Pray for my friend ~Anonymous~.
<3 Warrior
A post note made on 11.26.10: I actually just stopped talking to my best friend of one year. I realized a couple weeks ago that the first and only time I ever talked to him about God was on November 14, 2009, the first day we started talking. And I never mentioned Him to him again. Ever. So I stopped talking to him. Not like ignoring him, but just not talking to him. I haven't spoken to him in about a week or more, and it's an amazing feeling. Like I'm not being held down or hidden. I'm not hiding my love for God from my friends anymore, because all of them want to hear it or don't yell at me for trying to tell them about God. I regret a lot of the time I spent with my friend, because it was wasted time that I could have used to glorify God more. But now I know that God was teaching me a lesson on friendship and love and evangelism. It makes me love Him so much. I really want to give Him a huge hug right now. I can't wait to get to heaven so I can thank Him in person for all of the crap I've gone through in my life. Because I know He was with me and never left me. Ever.
Post-post note made on 4.23.11: Check out my post http://thisismyriflethisoneismine.blogspot.com/2011/01/this-past-week.html to hear about how I followed my own advice and wrote a note to one of my bestest friends ever that was leading me astray! God WILL bring good out of it! I promise!
Another verse to consider: Romans 16: 17 I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy+13&version=NIV
While I was reading it, I realized it wasn't just about worshipping other gods. It was about what to do to/how to treat someone who has tried to turn you away from God.
Now before you freak out because you think I'm trying to tell you to slaughter anyone who tells you not to believe in God, 1) that's a little sketch 2) God doesn't want us to kill people 3) there would be very very few people left if we all did that.
Matthew 18:8 reads, "If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled and lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire." Meaning if someone or something is causing you to sin or to turn away from God, get rid of them/it! I know from experience that it's hard and that you WILL be judged and you WILL be persecuted.
Two years ago I had a Facebook account without the approval of my parents. I cussed, gossiped, started rumors, et cetera on it, while simultaneously dishonoring my parents. What a mess! After a retreat entitled "Image Is Everything" with my church, I realized that I was made in God's image and that I wasn't reflecting that in my life. So the night I got back from the retreat, I disconnected my Facebook account without a moment of hesitation and stayed off of the computer for about 2 months. I was persecuted by my own friends for a long time and still am to this day. They demand why I disconnected it and my reply has always been, "It was tearing me away from God." And you can guess how they took that. Yeah, not very well.
Basically, by cutting myself off from a medium with which I was being "evil," I was cutting off the part of me that was diseased. I was slaughtering the part of me that was trying and succeeding in getting me to sin and turn away from God. In my case, it wasn't just my friends leading me astray, it was myself as well.
I was reading Psalm 119, the longest book of the Bible, the other night and I noticed that the whole Psalm is praising God's law and declaring the author's undying love for it. He says, "I hate double-minded people, but I love your law. You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in Your word. Away from me, you evildoers, that I may keep the commands of my God!" (Psalm 119:113-115) He is telling God that he loves His commands more than anything else, and is telling all of the "evil-doers" around him to get away so he can love his God more passionately. Do you need to do that? Maybe it's time to "yell" at the "evil-doers" around you to get away so that you can love and follow your awesome God with your whole life. I've found with experience that the best way to do it is through a note. Tell them about God's love for them and why it is you find it hard to stay friends with them and be a true follower of Christ at the same time. If you feel led to do so, try it. I felt pushed by God to write a friend of mine a note that ended our friendship, and it all worked out for the better.
So, yes. I know breaking off from your best friend is hard. I know that breaking addictions is hard. I know that breaking a habit is hard. I know that believing is extremely hard. I've had to go through all of these myself. When you go through these things, you just have to remember that God is with you and will never leave you and that whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. (:
Have faith and stay strong. It might be tough at times, but I believe in you.
If you're a girl and under the age of 20-ish, I totally without a doubt suggest you find and purchase the book "Lies Young Women Believe and the Truth that Sets them Free" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh. It's an amazing book and is a great help for when you don't understand what to believe.
I also suggest reading the Bible. (: When you're worrying about not being able to hear God speaking to you, pick it up. Read it. HEY! You just read God's letter to you.
Keep faith. Keep heart.
Pray for my friend ~Anonymous~.
<3 Warrior
A post note made on 11.26.10: I actually just stopped talking to my best friend of one year. I realized a couple weeks ago that the first and only time I ever talked to him about God was on November 14, 2009, the first day we started talking. And I never mentioned Him to him again. Ever. So I stopped talking to him. Not like ignoring him, but just not talking to him. I haven't spoken to him in about a week or more, and it's an amazing feeling. Like I'm not being held down or hidden. I'm not hiding my love for God from my friends anymore, because all of them want to hear it or don't yell at me for trying to tell them about God. I regret a lot of the time I spent with my friend, because it was wasted time that I could have used to glorify God more. But now I know that God was teaching me a lesson on friendship and love and evangelism. It makes me love Him so much. I really want to give Him a huge hug right now. I can't wait to get to heaven so I can thank Him in person for all of the crap I've gone through in my life. Because I know He was with me and never left me. Ever.
Post-post note made on 4.23.11: Check out my post http://thisismyriflethisoneismine.blogspot.com/2011/01/this-past-week.html to hear about how I followed my own advice and wrote a note to one of my bestest friends ever that was leading me astray! God WILL bring good out of it! I promise!
Another verse to consider: Romans 16: 17 I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Teenage Dream
So a good friend of mine had Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" lyrics as his status today and as I started singing it in my head, I remembered a verse I found while I was at camp that I absolutely love.
"Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement." ~ Ecclesiastes 11:9
Isn't that AWESOME?? This is God being the best parent imaginable. He's saying, "You're young. Go have fun. Follow your heart. Do what you please." But since He's our Dad, of course there's a "but." Don't take this the wrong way, but it's a really big but. What we do, even when we are young, matters in the bigger picture. When we get to heaven, it's going to matter. Big time. Since He's our Father, He wants us to follow His rules. And if we break them, there's going to be a punishment (eternal, that is).
The good thing is, we can ask for forgiveness. He will ALWAYS love us. Nothing we do can change that. So if we totally screw up, we can approach Him humbly and ask for His forgiveness, and He will grant it.
When I was at Camp Piankatank this past year, at the dockside service the camp pastor told us a story about a woman who could talk directly to God. He told us that the priest told her to ask God what was the last sin he had confessed to Him. When she returned to the priest she took his hand and said, "He said He couldn't remember." That brings tears to my eyes everytime I see/hear/say that. When you confess your sins to Him... wow... He is the MASTER of forgiving and forgetting :D.
So go live the teenage dream... but always remember that God is with you and would be crushed if you did something against His wishes. He WANTS you to have fun and life your life with excitement, love, passion, and joy. Don't let Him down.
<3, Warrior
"Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement." ~ Ecclesiastes 11:9
Isn't that AWESOME?? This is God being the best parent imaginable. He's saying, "You're young. Go have fun. Follow your heart. Do what you please." But since He's our Dad, of course there's a "but." Don't take this the wrong way, but it's a really big but. What we do, even when we are young, matters in the bigger picture. When we get to heaven, it's going to matter. Big time. Since He's our Father, He wants us to follow His rules. And if we break them, there's going to be a punishment (eternal, that is).
The good thing is, we can ask for forgiveness. He will ALWAYS love us. Nothing we do can change that. So if we totally screw up, we can approach Him humbly and ask for His forgiveness, and He will grant it.
When I was at Camp Piankatank this past year, at the dockside service the camp pastor told us a story about a woman who could talk directly to God. He told us that the priest told her to ask God what was the last sin he had confessed to Him. When she returned to the priest she took his hand and said, "He said He couldn't remember." That brings tears to my eyes everytime I see/hear/say that. When you confess your sins to Him... wow... He is the MASTER of forgiving and forgetting :D.
So go live the teenage dream... but always remember that God is with you and would be crushed if you did something against His wishes. He WANTS you to have fun and life your life with excitement, love, passion, and joy. Don't let Him down.
<3, Warrior
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
My Story
Personally, I think I live an ordinary life. I guess everyone says that. But what IS "ordinary" anyway? Everyone's story is unique. This is mine.
I was born to Bill and Beth Torres as their second child on July 19th, 1995. I was raised along with my half-brother, David and brother, Scott. I grew up in a Christian home so faith was a part of my life since day one. I was baptized when I when i was 6 or so (I don't really remember when it was) and I remember the only reason I did so was because my brother was doing it. Speaking of Scott, we totally hated each other until a couple years ago when we finally became friends.
I lived my life knowing God, but I was never really close to Him until I started going to Camp Piankatank. There was where I truly began to live my life for God. But it's strange. In middle school, primarily 8th grade, I was a bad person. I cussed, I gossiped, I lied, I was perverted, and I did all of these things that were un-Godly. But that was a time I was close to Him.
When I began high school, I started to lose my faith. The summer before my freshman year I felt distant from Him and felt like He had abandoned me. It wasn't until I had already given up on my faith that I realized that God had led me into the wilderness just as He had for Moses, Jacob, and even Jesus. I realized I had failed Him and that it was time to me to return to Him. But then I discovered....
I couldn't do it. I tried. I couldn't find anything in my soul that believed that He was there. I couldn't feel Him anymore. As much as I wanted to go back to the way it used to be, I couldn't do it. Through my struggle, I finally understood how hard it is for people not raised in a Christian home to come to know God. It really is an act of pure faith to do so. After being in the wilderness, I was completely at loss for what to do to go to God.
At the end of this past summer, I returned to Camp Piankatank, dreading the experience. It was the first summer I attended camp without showing up with a burning passion for Christ. Throughout the week, it was extremely stormy (which I loved because I love storms more than anything) and a friend of mine there who also loved storms told me how she saw God's power through storms and I replied with a smile because I had nothing else to contribute.
Every single Thursday night at Piankatank, they hold a dockside service where worship is held on the dock. It's a very serious and moving experience. As I told some of the girls in the cabin before we left, you cannot walk away from it without being changed. The entire walk from the cabin to the dock (about a mile or more), I was praying nonstop for myself and for the girls in my cabin to be touched by God. Still praying as I stepped on the dock, I begged God not to let me leave without being changed. I told Him I didn't want to leave the dock the same person I was when I stepped off.
Throughout the whole worship, I had this reoccurring feeling of "this is stupid" but I pushed the thought away with angry tears in my eyes. At the end of worship, each camper has the option to stay behind and spend more time with God and pray with their counselors in small groups. Since I didn't want to leave yet, I stayed and got in a prayer circle with my cabin. While one of my friends was praying for us, she said "... and especially me, Lord. Recently I've become so distant from you..." and it was at that when I realized I wasn't alone. At her words, I began to pray and sob hysterically. She took me into her arms and we wept into each others shoulders for several minutes. After a while I pulled away to wipe my runny nose.
Or so I thought. Instead of regular snot, I wiped away a handful of blood. Stunned, I cried out. I have never had a nosebleed. Ever. After I saw the blood all over my legs, shirt, pants (and my friend's pants, too), and hands I realized I had prayed and cried so hard that I caused myself to bleed. Immediately I was reminded of Jesus' prayer that caused Him to bleed and I cried out just as He had on the cross, "Oh God, my God, why have you forsaken me??" (Psalm 22) God had shown His awesome power in me through a nosebleed. It was incredible. I walked off the dock a few minutes later with one of the camp medics to get cleaned up and the other girls joined me a few minutes later.
Not even 20 feet away from the dock, all of the girls from my cabin who had stayed behind felt called to go back to the dock again. As I was walking back on with another friend of mine, I realized that I had walked off of the dock a new person. I laughed with tears of joy in my eyes at the revelation. God had listened to my prayer and had not let me walk away from the dock the same Warrior. With my friend, I went and put my feet in the water of the Piankatank River and sang softly to myself before we had to go back to the cabin for good.
Even though God revealed Himself to me in such a personal and unique way, I still feel far from Him and I'm still struggling to believe. When band started this summer, I didn't know how well it would it turn out. Last year, because of my dissolving faith, I went into a severe depression that put me in a funk that made me hate band. A good friend of mine kinda-not-really forced me to do marching band again this year and so I was worried about how I would take it. The first week was exhausting but great and during the lock-in that weekend I made a new friend who is very dear to my heart now.
Because of her, I now have a Christian friend who faces persecution in her own home and everywhere she goes (including her church), reads her Bible diligently, and is so much like me I swear she must be my other half. If you want to read her blog, it's http://godloveharmony.blogspot.com/.
I know this was a really long post, but thanks for holding in there if you stayed to listen all the way through.
Pray for me and pray for my friends <3
I was born to Bill and Beth Torres as their second child on July 19th, 1995. I was raised along with my half-brother, David and brother, Scott. I grew up in a Christian home so faith was a part of my life since day one. I was baptized when I when i was 6 or so (I don't really remember when it was) and I remember the only reason I did so was because my brother was doing it. Speaking of Scott, we totally hated each other until a couple years ago when we finally became friends.
I lived my life knowing God, but I was never really close to Him until I started going to Camp Piankatank. There was where I truly began to live my life for God. But it's strange. In middle school, primarily 8th grade, I was a bad person. I cussed, I gossiped, I lied, I was perverted, and I did all of these things that were un-Godly. But that was a time I was close to Him.
When I began high school, I started to lose my faith. The summer before my freshman year I felt distant from Him and felt like He had abandoned me. It wasn't until I had already given up on my faith that I realized that God had led me into the wilderness just as He had for Moses, Jacob, and even Jesus. I realized I had failed Him and that it was time to me to return to Him. But then I discovered....
I couldn't do it. I tried. I couldn't find anything in my soul that believed that He was there. I couldn't feel Him anymore. As much as I wanted to go back to the way it used to be, I couldn't do it. Through my struggle, I finally understood how hard it is for people not raised in a Christian home to come to know God. It really is an act of pure faith to do so. After being in the wilderness, I was completely at loss for what to do to go to God.
At the end of this past summer, I returned to Camp Piankatank, dreading the experience. It was the first summer I attended camp without showing up with a burning passion for Christ. Throughout the week, it was extremely stormy (which I loved because I love storms more than anything) and a friend of mine there who also loved storms told me how she saw God's power through storms and I replied with a smile because I had nothing else to contribute.
Every single Thursday night at Piankatank, they hold a dockside service where worship is held on the dock. It's a very serious and moving experience. As I told some of the girls in the cabin before we left, you cannot walk away from it without being changed. The entire walk from the cabin to the dock (about a mile or more), I was praying nonstop for myself and for the girls in my cabin to be touched by God. Still praying as I stepped on the dock, I begged God not to let me leave without being changed. I told Him I didn't want to leave the dock the same person I was when I stepped off.
Throughout the whole worship, I had this reoccurring feeling of "this is stupid" but I pushed the thought away with angry tears in my eyes. At the end of worship, each camper has the option to stay behind and spend more time with God and pray with their counselors in small groups. Since I didn't want to leave yet, I stayed and got in a prayer circle with my cabin. While one of my friends was praying for us, she said "... and especially me, Lord. Recently I've become so distant from you..." and it was at that when I realized I wasn't alone. At her words, I began to pray and sob hysterically. She took me into her arms and we wept into each others shoulders for several minutes. After a while I pulled away to wipe my runny nose.
Or so I thought. Instead of regular snot, I wiped away a handful of blood. Stunned, I cried out. I have never had a nosebleed. Ever. After I saw the blood all over my legs, shirt, pants (and my friend's pants, too), and hands I realized I had prayed and cried so hard that I caused myself to bleed. Immediately I was reminded of Jesus' prayer that caused Him to bleed and I cried out just as He had on the cross, "Oh God, my God, why have you forsaken me??" (Psalm 22) God had shown His awesome power in me through a nosebleed. It was incredible. I walked off the dock a few minutes later with one of the camp medics to get cleaned up and the other girls joined me a few minutes later.
Not even 20 feet away from the dock, all of the girls from my cabin who had stayed behind felt called to go back to the dock again. As I was walking back on with another friend of mine, I realized that I had walked off of the dock a new person. I laughed with tears of joy in my eyes at the revelation. God had listened to my prayer and had not let me walk away from the dock the same Warrior. With my friend, I went and put my feet in the water of the Piankatank River and sang softly to myself before we had to go back to the cabin for good.
Even though God revealed Himself to me in such a personal and unique way, I still feel far from Him and I'm still struggling to believe. When band started this summer, I didn't know how well it would it turn out. Last year, because of my dissolving faith, I went into a severe depression that put me in a funk that made me hate band. A good friend of mine kinda-not-really forced me to do marching band again this year and so I was worried about how I would take it. The first week was exhausting but great and during the lock-in that weekend I made a new friend who is very dear to my heart now.
Because of her, I now have a Christian friend who faces persecution in her own home and everywhere she goes (including her church), reads her Bible diligently, and is so much like me I swear she must be my other half. If you want to read her blog, it's http://godloveharmony.blogspot.com/.
I know this was a really long post, but thanks for holding in there if you stayed to listen all the way through.
Pray for me and pray for my friends <3
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Meaning of This Is My Rifle
Okay, so if you're into comedies and military movies, you probably think "This Is My Rifle" is referring to the movie Stripes, but since I've never seen that movie, I'm going to have to say it's not. "This is my rifle" has been my motto for a couple weeks now and it's made such an impact on me. It all began when my dad and I went to go see the cinema cast of the DCI semifinals this year. My favorite group of the 15 that we saw were the Cavaliers. Their show, "Mad World", was absolutely stunning. For the drum break, the entire band excluding the tubas put down their horns and picked up rifles, producing what the color guard instructor next to me called a "guardgasm". The guard and band did an amazing rifle routine while saying, "This is my rifle. This one is mine. This is my life." and so on and so forth. Knowing absolutely nothing of the movie Stripes, I took their words into my heart and applied them to my own life as I had interpreted them. To me, they weren't just saying it to say it. To me, they weren't even talking about their rifle. They were talking about their lives. Their passions. The reason they did what they did. Band was their rifle. From their passion, I have just begun to discover MY rifles. Band is one of them. God is another. Friends are another as well. My rifle is my life. So welcome to This Is My Rifle. Welcome to my life.
Link to "This is my rifle" guardgasm on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf38d4U3pTI&feature=related
Link to "This is my rifle" guardgasm on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf38d4U3pTI&feature=related
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